MDMA is a drug that will always hold a special place in my heart. I've spent years discussing it and giving advice regarding it, mainly on various drugs related subreddits. I even moderate a subreddit discussing it's therapeutic use. All of this stems from my very first encounter with MDMA. I've included a trip report of that experience below:
I took MDMA for the first time at a small house party. It was intended to be a larger party but not many people showed up (holding it during exams was probably the issue). I didn't intend to take MDMA and didn't know much about it, but when I arrived at the house my friend who was living their explained that his roommate was selling some. He recommended I try it so I paid $20 for two points (100mg each) and took them wrapped up in a single ply of toilet paper 10 minutes apart.
The comeup was fantastic, one moment I thought I might be feeling something and the next I was feeling the best I had ever felt in my life. The baseline anxiety of my life vaporized and I realized how much of a weight it was on me. I was able to be completely open about some of my insecurities with people I didn't know very well or know at all. Backing up the lack of anxiety was what felt like maximum happiness, as if this was the extreme limit of the emotion only reached when every drop of serotonin in my brain was unleashed and directed to the task. I had taken mushrooms and LSD before but the uniqueness of this experience, the complete erasure of anxiety, fear and depression made this seem even more transformative than tripping had been.
After talking with everyone for a bit I moved off with my friend and we started talking one on one, moving into some deeper discussions. I realized how much the death of a parent while I was a child had impacted the rest of my life. I was able to easily bring it up and talk through it, to a degree that I never had been able to even with my remaining parent and sibling. It easily ranks as on of the most emotionally soothing and meaningful experiences of my life and it took place sitting in a walk in closet with my friend just talking for two hours while ignoring the rest of the party going on outside.
I walked back home at the end of the night and enjoyed an afterglow that lasted for at least 2 days.
I often feel that my intial experience has given me a different view of MDMA than people who might have had a more straighforwardly recreational time. I strongly suspect that the set and setting of the initial MDMA encounter can color how the drug is later viewed and experienced.
“I believe that with whom you do MDMA for the first time might even be more important than with whom you have sex for the first time,”
- Ayelet Waldman
Based on my first MDMA experience, I created a short bit of advice that I could give to individuals who posted asking for advice regarding their first times taking MDMA, or to individuals who were planning on introducing friends to the drug. I would normally start by asking what the set and setting would be, and respond with this if they mentioned a festival, nightclub or large music event.
Will you be with any close friends? And does the event have a quiet place you can be in if you need to talk? One thing is that MDMA can bring up things in your life that you really don't think about or have suppressed and make you realized how much of an impact they have had on you. When this happens it can be incredibly helpful to talk over those feelings with someone you trust, even better if they are also on MDMA. Rick Doblin, the guy spearheading the campaign to get MDMA recognized as a treatment for PTSD explains it on a podcast here (Youtube link, I highly recommend listening to it).
It doesn't have to be something like sexual assault, the first time I took MDMA I realized how much the death of a parent while I was a child had impacted the rest of my life. it easily ranks as on of the most emotionally soothing and meaningful experiences of my life and it took place sitting in a walk in closet with my friend at a party just talking for two hours while ignoring everything else. So make sure that there is someone you would feel comfortable opening up to around (comfortable while sober, on MDMA you are comfortable opening up to everyone which can be awkward later) and somewhere quiet you can go to talk.